So there's this boy...

I'm in a weird mood tonight, so I'm going to indulge these strange self-pitying impulses and most likely come off sounding like a whiny thirteen-year-old. You've been warned - read on at your own risk.

So there's this guy that I've had quite a crush on for quite a while. If I was smart and mature, I would have told him how I felt a long time ago. Instead, I continue to pine from a distance, over-analyzing everything, and going through some lovely roller coaster rides of "He loves me; he loves me not."

Tonight I'm trying to recover from a crazy upside-down loop that ended in a plummet of fifty-some feet. You know, the kind where you're feeling good until suddenly the world drops out from under you, and you swear you can feel your insides suspended above you as the rest of your body falls towards the ground. I hate those. (Yes, I'm being ridiculously over-dramatic for the therapeutic value of creative writing.)

I'm pretty sure this guy is moving towards a relationship with someone else. Yes, I could be wrong. However, my gut instincts (and, yes, information gleaned from Facebook) generally aren't too far from the truth. If I was smart and mature, I'd walk up to him and just tell him how I feel.

But now we're really good friends, and I don't want to risk losing that friendship. And I'm graduating in four months (yikes!), so even if things did work out it probably wouldn't work out in the long run.

Mostly I'm just too much of a coward to put myself out there that much.

So I'm feeling lonely again, knowing in my mind that I'm still very young, and that everything happens for a reason, and the guy who is perfect for me will show up sometime, and that I don't actually need a guy to make my life complete anyway.

But knowing all that doesn't make me feel less lonely tonight.

At least I know I'll feel better in the morning, because I always do. Tomorrow morning I'll wake up at the crack of dawn to get to the dentist before class, and have a fabulously productive day. Maybe I'll even get to the mules!